Shizuru's Confession - complete
by twinklepup
Summary: The story contains a diary like confession of Shizuru's feelings for Natsuki. This is a shiznat fluff.


Warning: I'm doing my best to beta my own story, but please forgive me if I still missed some...I'm open to anyone who wanted to beta my stories. Thank you.

**SHIZURU'S CONFESSION**  
I went home upset but that annoyance was lost when I first saw her. She was so innocent looking with her emerald eyes and a curtain of blue hair covering half her face. She was so busy sorting her clothes so I decided not to approach her and ask my parents instead. My mama introduced her to me as my distant cousin who will soon to be my uncle's house helper. She was to stay with us every end of the day since we're all girls in my room. Me, my sister Sarah and my cousin Haruka. At first I just pitied her so everyday I bring small treats for her and to be fair I would also bring some for my other cousins Haruka and Sarah. During weekends I would sit opposite her and we were happily chatting about random things while she's doing the laundry. I was a spoiled brat back then, I do not know any household chores at all. However she would patiently teach me some house tasks and my mama was so happy seeing me learning those things. From then on, we became good friends.

One time, in the middle of the night I suddenly woke up, that's when I noticed her up close. Her long thin dark blue brows akin to her magnificent hair. then her high bridged nose and a thin lined pale lips. When my gaze focused on her lips, my heart skipped a beat. "How does it feel to kiss her?" I whispered in my head. I tried to go nearer and just as my lips are directly above hers I mentally kicked myself for the foolish idea, so I went back to my side of the bed and slept. The next day I felt like everything have changed, my day was not complete if I don't get to see her. I was troubled, I never thought that I would swing to this side. I thought I was straight so I decided to go seek our guidance councilor in school. She told me that I am currently undergoing an identity crisis and the only way to get over it is to approach it with courage and determination. But she warned me to be aware of myself first, reflect and remember how I was since I was a kid, that's when I realized that I was never straight since then. As a child I have loved to play toy cars, train, guns that I borrowed from my cousin Reito. I would persuade his sister Haruka with my doll collections just so I can borrow one of Reito's remote control cars.

As a pastor's daughter, I lead the church's young people and I thought I was contented and happy. Few guys tried to ask my father's permission to court me and out of respect, I tried to casually accompany them in a friendly chat, of course with my father's presence. Other young lady's would look up to me so I held my head and gracefully lead them, encourage them, but I was never attracted to anyone. Until she came...my lucid life became obscure like I was trapped somewhere in my dark self and there was no way out. I never thought I would swing this way. I understand I was hiding some dirtly little secret, I despised myself that time and cannot accept what I have become. I continued to bring my mask up and act like the perfect lady my father wanted me to be until such a time that I could not contain myself and I could no longer lie to myself. In one night, I tried my first sin, my first kiss. I placed a swift smack on her lips while she was asleep.

Days went by, we became bestfriends to her knowledge but to me she was more than a bestfriend. I kept my dirty little secret from everyone specially her. I wanted to confess but my lips were tight for the fear of loosing her. Whenever she's nearby I silently gasp for air, she would look at me with concern but I would look back with a smile hiding everything with my mask up. I wonder if she felt the electricity everytime our hands slightly touch. One night, I tried to steal my second kiss. I opened one of my eyes and notice that everyone was asleep so I shifted my body to face her. I looked from side to side making sure everyone was asleep and I never noticed her stir. I lowered my head and just as I was about to reach her lips, her eyes fluttered open with a shock. I was frozen, horror struck me, I felt the lump in my throat, I softly slapped her forehead excusing myself to kill an imaginary mosquito. I went out so ashamed of myself, I tried to splash my face with water hoping to erase the shame out but it didn't.

From that time on I tried to ignore her, so afraid for confrontation. I continued to bring my mask up to cover the sadness that enveloped my heart. I continued being the perfect daughter, the perfect youth leader and the perfect liar. It was the church anniversary I was so busy trying to manage the program that I did not notice her. I was not aware that my uncle brought her along to help my aunt watch over their 2 kids. The program was almost done and as part of the festivity the members had dinner together. I sat exhausted when I saw a flash of green, then I saw the familiar eyes I had kept hidden in my memory. I saw her lovingly tending my niece as if they were her own. My imagination soared, I daydreamed of her being my wife. I have not noticed that I was already staring at her until our eyes met. I shamefully bowed my head and pretended to do something on the paper I was holding. I mentally rebuked myself with all those shameful thoughts in my head. I continued being a liar to myself.

I was walking by the garden outside our house when I saw her looking at a flower with hatred. She was about to crush it when I silently stopped her. "You shouldn't do that." She looked at me with eyes of longing at that point I could not understand the emotions running inside me. I slowly go near her and whispered ''This beautiful flower is trying it's best to live in their short span of life. They exist to add color and beauty in life." I picked it for her and place it by her ear and whispered some compliments and immediately I saw a small tint of pink upon her adorable cheeks. The small gesture made me smile. "Why are you avoiding me?" she asked with pleading eyes. I stuttered and was caught off guard but I immediately put my mask back and told her, "I am so sorry if you feel that I have avoided you, I was just busy with the church activities." I extended my hand and offered a warm big hug. "Mou Shizuru, don't you ever leave me alone again. You know that you're my only friend here, I feel like an idiot talking to the mirror because you were not there." She complained showing that adorable pout while raising her head up to look at me. I was almost caught off guard but I hid the dangerous flame of desire threatening to show in my eyes. "Natsuki I'm hoping to see you in my debut," with that said I winked and left her dumbfounded.

I wore my tiger-print single strap dress clad tightly around my body defining my figure. As I went out I can see the malicious stares of men and idolising women but there's only one pair of eyes that I wanted to look at me. Leaning by the door I saw how she stared at me and realizing this she immediately changed her expression to annoyance. The event ended however she's nowhere to be found. Mos of the visitors had left except 3 of my closest friend and relatives; Reito, Haruka and Yukino. "Shizuru, since we're all 18 now let's brink to life!" Haruka cheered. "It's drink Haruka," Yukino silently corrected. "That's what I said", Haruka angrily answered back and we all laughed together. 3 AM Reito decided to go home since his sister Haruka is very drunk, he also offered to let his driver send Yukino home. I crisscrossed on my way inside the house and just as I was about to reach the door of my room by world flipped over, I thought I'm gonna hit my face on the floor but a hand came and grabbed my by my waist and I lost consciousness.

I woke up 8AM on my clock naked under my blankets. Still shocked and confused with my recent condition I hastily changed into my clothes when I heard knocking on my door. "Just a minute!" I called out. "Dear are you ok now? I brought you your breakfast with hot tea," my mom said with concern on her eyes. "I'm fine mom, I appreciate the breakfast alot", I said. "Anything for you dear", my mom smiled and brought the empty dishes outside. "Mom! Have you seen Natsuki?", I quickly asked before she closed the door. "Yes, she left for good," then she closed the door. That's when I noticed that I was locked in my room grounded without phone, laptop or any communication device. I refused all the food that was brought in my room since then. 3 days after my mom came in my room angry. "You are such a shame to the family Shizuru, I have expected alot from you specially now that your legally an adult and yet you let us down. Your dad is not aware of this fiasco and I promise you Shizuru if you will not stop this foolishness I will let your father send you to a mission school by hook or by crook! By the way, your father is coming home in 2 days so you better make yourself right", then she went out and left the door open.

Truth as told, I was sent out to the mission school. Just as the bus stopped outside the gate I secretly snooped out towards the next building. As soon as I got in I looked for a nearby CR to change my clothes. I got my other file with the candidate soldier form and went on my way to the nearest camp. Before going in, I sent out an email to my parents asking for their forgiveness and informing them of my decision regardless if they will denounce me as their daughter. 6 months I finished camp and was given a short vacation, an opportunity that I immediately grabbed to be able to see her. I saw my life's happiness in the middle of the rice field shaking those flaglets and banging a tin can to chase the birds away. Her look of determination was so cute that I decided not to disturb her. Our grandmother was so happy to see me so we chatted for awhile. She also informed me that Natsuki will be there the whole morning. 3 PM I saw her enter the door and I saw her shocked expression, there were so many things I wanted to tell her but I can't not in front of our grandmother. I was frozen in place unsure on what to say first and finally I decided to tell her I missed her but before I opened my mouth someone was looking for her outside. "Hon I'm inside please get here so I can introduce you to my best friend." Natsuki simply said but it cut daggers in my heart. "Hon, this is Shizuru my best friend. Shizuru, this is my boyfriend Takeda. I'll leave you two alone for now, I have to change my clothes," without further adieu she left. "Nice to meet you Takeda," I politely said with my fake smile. "It's an honor to meet my girlfriend's best friend," he skillfully said like a man running for mayor. I silently smirked under the facade of my fake smile. After 10 minutes I saw her return wearing a simple tattered jeans and a purple mini T hanging, showing her belly button piercing. "As much as I wanted to talk to you Shizuru, unfortunately I have plans for today which regretfully I can't cancel. I hope to see you tomorrow if that's not too much of a hassle," she sincerely said. "Oh no, I don't mind. I'll be here for a week anyway. Please take care and I hope you enjoy your date," I said while holding on to my mask of insensitivity to hide the tears threatening to fall. "Such a wonderful kid, isn't he? He's the city councilor's son. Every time they go out, he always asked my permission and they never stayed out so late," Granny gleefully said. "By the way Shizuru, there's someone I'd like you to meet. His my daughter-in-law's brother, his name is Nagi. He's just outside waiting for you. I hope you would like him" she hopefully smiled. As soon as I went out I saw him immediately stand up and greeted me. He took my hand and let me sit beside him. "Thank you for the offer but I insist on taking this spot, this has been my favorite spot every time I come here," I quickly said just to excuse myself from getting near him. At first he acted like a gentleman, however, as our conversation deepened he had been asking inappropriate questions. "I really appreciate your time today, but I'm afraid you need to go since it's almost night time now, I don't want your parents to be concerned over you," I reasoned out in order for me not to throw some insults to him. "Oh, sorry I did not notice the time. I enjoy our conversation. I hope I see you tomorrow?" he asked. "Yes, hopefully I can come here tomorrow," I smiled. I wasn't able to see her the next day trying to avoid Nagi.

On the 4th day we crossed ways in the market so I asked her if we could catch up with each other, chit chat, and do some girl bonding in the afternoon and amazingly she said yes. I asked permission from granny so we went by as planned. We were walking by the bay when I told her how much I missed her. How I've gone through the army. "The night before you left I was so drunk so please forgive me for whatever I've done. I'm just curious how I end up naked on my bed upon waking up?" I asked. Immediately I was the shade of pink crawling up her cheeks she stammered and answered. "You, uhm..almost dropped on the floor so I grabbed you and carried you to your bed. However, you furiously stood up shouting for my name and yet you did not notice that I was already in front of you. I struggled to put you back to bed but you threw up over my shoulder. So uhm...I had to clean us both in your bathroom...uhm..but...I.. I swear I..I saw nothing because I left you with your u-underwear. When were finished I tucked you in your bed and watched over you, I did not notice I fell asleep, and I was still wearing your sleeping robe. When I woke up you were on top of me na-naked...and then you ki-kissed me...then...you collapsed on top of me with your lips near my neck. I was about to ease myself out from under you when the door opened. We were at a very compromising position when your mom came in, she was too shock to listen to me. I tried to explain what happened but she never believed me, she even forced me to leave early in the morning by 6AM to go back here, " she explained. "Oh, my, I'm terribly sorry. Ever since I met you my life turned upside down (I bow my head in shame). I know we were cousins so I tried to stop my feelings, that was the real reason why I had to avoid you. I'm really sorry for what I've done," I covered my face with my hands and cried but she pried it open and wiped my tears. "Hssh! Shizuru stop, don't cry," then she hugged me tenderly. "Look, I thank you for that love. You are special to me and as you said we are cousins so we can never be. I love you as my cousin and don't you ever blame yourself for what happened before. Just promise me that you'll not get yourself drunk that way again, alright? Shizuru, I will always care for you." She carefully stroke my hair and tuck one of the strands behind my ear. "Let's go?" she asked standing up and extended one of her hands for me. I happily took it and started to breath normally, now that my burden is gone, now that finally I've told her my secret. For now, I'm happy for what she's offering. Best Friends Forever!

P.S. I'm still not giving up on her...

Author's Notes  
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Please watch out for the next sequel...

Here are the recovered comments:

Vio-otoku 6/23/13 . chapter 1

This is really beautiful. It describes teenage angst quite well, and subtly covers the topics such as identity crisis regarding peoples sexuality and the religious views. Great read, please do continue.

Unknown 6/21/13 . chapter 1

Very nice! Very nice! I love it. I hope i'll see the next chapter soon :D

Guest 6/21/13 . chapter 1

very nice

cheezefreakinburger 6/21/13 . chapter 1

more!

topsy krets 6/21/13 . chapter 1

interesting start author-san. :3

twenty-six whitewave 6/21/13 . chapter 1

I kinda sympathize with this Shizuru. She's hidden deep inside the closet. But she's boyish as a kid?

Well, very nice start for a short fic. I do hope you continue.

chum-sa 6/21/13 . chapter 1

Little Shizuru&toy car? Interesting idea. I will wait to see the next.


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